spookmineer wrote:I do think Western society tends to work like that in general, in some part because out of politeness. Not "want" but "expect" something in return seems to be a better description.
I don't see any difference between "expecting" and "wanting".
If i want something, I expect something at the same time.
And if I expect something, then because I want it.
You can expect something without expressing it while everyone knows that you are waiting for your expectation to be fulfilled.
Example: Somebody gives you a present.
Is a present free ? Yes, you should think so.
Do people expect something in return ? Often they do.
So, giving a present can be a trojan horse. You see the person handing you over the present or doing you a (free) favour, and later you will find this very person asking you for an urgent favour.
How can you reject this person who gave you a present ?
You feel obliged, if you want or not.
When this person gave you the present, he/she might have done it either ...
with being conscience about the expected future benefit
with expecting a return in his/her subconscience
with the only intention to please the receiver of the present without expecting anything
Which one do you think is more likely to happen between adults ?
I personally have been in an indonesian community for several years in London.
Not all indonesians are the same, so I don't want to prejudge the whole ethnicy, but those I have met were corrupt to the bone.
All females were generally selling herself to the person who promised the most material satisfaction.
I have followed how the many boyfriends of some of the indonesian ladies have changed over the years.
They changed always either when they found out how shallow the lady was, or the lady found that the boyfriend was not as generous (throwing his money into her throat) as she wished he was.
This pattern happened over and over again.
Until she found one person who offered her enough, but the wired part is that the boyfriends were always by far older than her (between 15 and 25 years older) and had a preference / weakness for the asian ethnicy.
Having been able to follow the development of their relationships, I noticed that it always was an entirely calculated business deal:
You give me sex when I need it / give birth to my child(ren) and in return I secure your existence and satisfy your materialistic needs.
That is what many of their relationships come down to which I unforunately had to witness.
I have not seen a single
asian relationship that was based on love.
Presents with a hardwired link to expectations is compulsory among them.
I once had been given an unexpected christmas present from an indonesian lady.
I appologized that I did not prepare anything for her, and she pretendet to feel insulted as she never expected anything in return.
Later I had to hear from another friend of mine, that she complained very harsh behind my back that I did not return the kindness of hers.
Honour is a word not existing in their vocabualry because everything they "borrow" from you converts immediately into a present.
I have trusted when "friends" of friends asked me for this and that, until I found that they have different views about borrowing than I have.